Bread Talk:Love Talk
by DellishSVU
Summary: Great company, great cases, great sex, great (?) bar fights but no Iloveyous. Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro are not great at expressing their feelings for each other, a "random project" - Rollins attempting to make a Cubano from scratch forces them to speak what used to be unspeakable. Happy birthday to the actors behind #Rollaro. *Updated Chapters*
1. Chapter 1

**I have not abandoned by first fic, I opted to wait for E19 thinking that Rollins will meet Gil. The hope then was to factor in that encounter by referring to it and picking up on Rollis and Gil's interaction. Now I am torn between writing and acknowledging that Gil is based in San Diego (Zara's spring break is set in 2016) or acknowledging it altogether. Now posting a story fanfic that honors Amaro's pan Cubano. Thanks to the movie "Chef" for the inspiration and to good delis that serve authentic cuban sandwiches - right. Happy birthday to the actors behind Rollins and Amaro (K. Giddish and D. Pino) - many happy returns!.**

Amanda woke up in a really good mood. She was NOT however in the mood for running. Sleeping in was clearly the smarter option. Unfortunately, her body clock was on auto pilot mode, programmed to get up for morning runs even on weekends. Between jogging and spooning on a what ever happened to spring Sunday morning, her body knows its priorities - sleeping in. Cocooned in a spoon position next to her Amaro, she lovingly watched him sleep. Smiling to herself as she thought about how sex burns almost as many calories as a 30 minute jog. A study published by the Public Library of Science calculated that sex burns up to 4 calories per minute, following Nick and Amanda's extended 8 round sexfest from mid-afternoon Saturday to mid-night, they both can afford to skip gym visits for a week. And that is how she justified the decision to skip Sunday morning run altogether.

She tried to go back to sleep to no avail. Her mind kept on drifting to an unopened box delivered last Friday. She bought a _plancha_ \- yes the Cuban sandwich maker online. She clicked and ordered impulsively. She bought it without much thought. Nick and Amanda were both on duty for post-sting ops processing then. As detectives, they still keep their professional distance in Special Victims Unit (SVU). They figured that their fellow detectives know of their off work relationship. They are all however precluded from celebrating the special partnership, much less acknowledge it openly. The rule is clear, generally couples and intimate relationships within the same team/squad ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED.

While the others were busy in the interrogation room, Nick sent her a close up photo of Amanda about to take a big bite off her first Cuban sandwich in Miami. Olivia Benson, their Sergeant and acting Chief sent them there for a law enforcement conference. A last minute assignment, justified by the fact that she had to be home for Noah for yet another medical emergency. The photo sent via iMessage came with an accompanying message: _"Delicioso! Can I have a bite por favor? #tbt no pun intended ;)_"

Amanda has started composing an attempt to a naughty and nice reply when they Nick was called to the interrogation room. With time in her hands she logged out of CODIS, New York State's DNA Databank and DNA Index System and switched to googling incognito anything and everything about "how to make the best Cuban sandwich." The more she read and browsed the stronger the desire to surprise Nick with her version of it. She even watched a video interview of two Cuban actors on their thoughts the secret formula behind a perfect sandwich. She was drawn to the actor's advice, not because she is a fan but he looked a lot like Nick. She would argue however that her man is so much more guapo not to mention the real deal, not some scripted and fictionalized character whose heroism and effectiveness rested on staged designs and choreographed fights. That Danny Pino . Nick Amaro wannabe knows his Cuban sandwich. She took note of his advice, yellow mustard tambien. The real yellow mustard and not the dijon kind. She chuckled when she heard Danny emphasize the value of using the right bread, it has to be the Cuban bread not pretzels. She also watched a clip of the movie Chef. As a fast reader and quick tihinker, Amanda was absorbing all her research on elements behind a Cuban sandwich. Her the desire to make one for Nick was getting stronger. So strong that she managed to type in her credit card details and clicked BUY by the time Nick stepped out of the interrogation room.

She bought a high grade plancha, justifying the purchase with the fact that it was 50% off the regular price. She was moving around the stuff in the kitchen to make room for _la plancha_ when Frannie started asking for more attention.

"Give me a minute Fran, let momma fix this first then we will go for a walk around the block, okey?"

The dog jumped twice reaching for the counter, based on Amanda's knowledge on Frannie speak, it was a sign that she concurred.

"We have a _plancha_, see!" she said in hushed tones not wanting to wake Nick up. "We are having Cuban sandwich for brunch. Now let me just knead the bread mix girl and then we go." Frannie gave her a that is not very reassuring look. Amanda was compelled to move faster. Yes, she is attempting to bake pan Cubano not pretzel not a baguette either - from scratch. Cooking is not exactly her strong suit, but baking suits her. She has baked for Nick and he loved it. The most recent one was during a snow day. Despite the inconvenience and the NYPD alert status, they sorta welcome short lived snow days as a form of much needed lover's break.

"And we're ready to go, as we let this stand for an hour," she explained to Frannie as if teaching her how to bake as Amanda transferred the dough to a lightly greased bowl. "Now cover the bowl then we have time for ourselves as we give this pan cubano dough its own me-time. "You ready Frannie?" She asked grabbing her jacket and beanie off the rack. She adjusted the heater to keep the kitchen warm not for Nick but for the dough.

They were back in less than thirty minutes. She let the dog drink water and Fran moved away from the kitchen to the bedroom she shared with Nick. She wished she could join them too but she had to fold the dough and turn it upside down. Back to her project. Nick will be waking up soon and her _pan cubano_ is nowhere near the oven just yet. While kneading a part of her chastised herself. She started doubting the "surprise", asking why the fuss Rollins, when she could have bought a pan cubano or a baguette. Why indeed was she going through the lengths of making one from scratch? Yes she liked, but as if buying a plancha were not enough. She let the dough rest and Amanda moved to pre-heating the oven, her doubts further bugged her. Asking if she is auditioning for a role of a wife to a Cuban-American? With a bitter reminder that, last time we checked Rollins a certain Amaro was not really looking.

She had to keep Rollins' beautiful but self-doubting mind from overshadowing Amanda's quest for a perfect Cuban sandwich. She did so by moving vigorously as she rummaged through the fridge for the ingredients. She moved the items to the counter-top and briskly turned her attention to the dough. She examined it closely, referred back to the online recipes she marked and followed her baking instinct - it was ready for the next step. She divided the dough and shaped it into rectangular logs. She had to let the log rest and her body started aching for coffee by then too.

N**ick was dead tired to the world in a refreshed way**. If life begins at forty, then his life has just began. Sleep better be one of the secrets to vitality and energy. Almost two years into their "relationship" and still they cannot get enough of each other. He figured that he can still afford to sleep in - although a certain part of his anatomy would be hard to convince. He slowly moved is right arm up and down as he tried reaching for Amanda. She must have walked Fran he thought and right on cue as if she can read minds, Fran wagged her tail a little harder to sweetly make her presence felt. He knew where to find her.

"Hey Fran where's my Amanda?" Nick asked slowly opening his eye towards the dog. He knew exactly where to find Fran, she liked hanging out on the floor next to what has become Nick's side of the bed. He regretted asking that question as soon as he said it. Fran took it as a cue to join Nick and with gusto she jumped over him. She was occupying Amanda's side of the bed with delight in no time.

"Ouch, that was fast, I've been replaced," declared Amanda with much drama. She stood against the bedroom store, lovingly watching them in bed. It took awhile before Nick adjusted to Frannie's invasion. Or from Fran's perspective, Amaro broke their twosome coo some. Her man and her dog now have both come to terms with the fact that they will co-exist and get along.

"Morning" she whispered next two his ear while her hands placed a cup of Explosivo spiked Cuban café con leche on bedside table. He was ready to start the day right but she immediately stepped out of bed as quickly as she came and walked to the shower.

"Watta tease" Nick complained.

"I have to take a quick shower babe" said Amanda. And it had to be quick, knowing that she's got one - a bun in the oven literally and not figuratively. Speaking of buns though and halfway through her shower, she recalled their first pregnancy scare. It was a few weeks after she announced to the squad thinking aloud that she is not going to have kids. But that is another story.

There was no stopping the images of Amanda naked lathering herself on Nick's stream of consciousness. Who needs an alarm clock if you have freshly brewed _café con leche_ next to you and easy access bathroom with a surprise. He rolled out of bed took one big gulp of the coffee and dashed to the bathroom to join her. Beautiful mornings indeed are made of these.

He sipped from the cup of café con leche one last time before carefully placing the cup next in the vanity rack on next to the bathroom sink. He was all up and ready for duty when Amanda drew the curtains. They stopped, staring, looking without touching while Amanda tried to look serious by suppressing a grin to no avail. He moved closer, she was ready to shower again. But

"Babe gotta check the oven" she said.

Nick stopped her and with a raised brow asked, "oven!? We're good I checked your app, I have access to it from my phone remember? We're safe! He said with confidence.

"Not that silly baby" she chuckled, "I'm baking" with both hands on his chest and Nick's arms wrapped around her waste, Amanda asked, "take a deep breath." They both did. The smell of newly baked bread was in the air. "I can't burn the pan" she announced, kissed his lips quickly and she was out in the kitchen to check to oven in no time.

Amanda loved this part of the baking process. The aroma of something baking makes up for the time and effort in kneading and waiting. She was expecting a little more pleasant reaction from Nick though.

Unknown to her, her baking project caused Nick to be in a more aroused state. The comforting aroma of _pan cubano_ tickled his senses. It brought back childhood memories. They used to live in a building that with a well loved Cuban bakery. It also made him feel more sentimental. As a man who have loved and lost, he could not believe his luck. At the risk of comparing and he wasn't but it is a fact that none of them from Maria to Cynthia and his other former Latina girlfriends ever bothered to make pan cubano from scratch.

Amanda had a unique way to loving him and all others that she cares for. She could be strong on tough love, a defense mechanism she developed in reaction to her complicated family. As he once explained to Carisi, her sister played her so many times she taught herself to expect the worst in family. If only he could give her a something more but… Amanda was surprised to see him walk to the kitchen in business clothes.

"Babe, where is Frannie's leash?" Nick asked walking past the kitchen to the hallway.

"Coat rack where else," she replied, slightly annoyed. The key ingredients for a Cuban sandwich all set.

"Fin called, we got an interesting lead about the person in interest that we have been tracking for weeks. We cannot afford to lose his again. I'll bring Fran for cover," Nick announced as he winked at her. "Laters mi _amor_" said Nick in a mechanical way, as he walked back to kiss her. He did not miss the fact that she almost avoided her, as she pretended to be busy with her perfectly baked flaky crust check, cooling _pan cubano_.

"Smells good in here Rollins, reminds me of Miami" she heard him say as the door closed.

And with an exit like that, there was no stopping her doubting self from attacking. Rollins!? Much ado about nothing . So lame! He did not give her time to protest and he was gone before she could even say, lemme make a sandwich for you. Fine the nature of the job required them to be on call 24/7. But there was something off about the manner by which he left in such a hurry this morning. Could it be the fact that she baked? Sure he cared for her but playing house - baking and all must have been a red flag. Did she scare him off instead of surprising him?

She baked because is was craving for a Cuban sandwich and yes primarily to surprise him. They have cooked for each other for no special reasons before. To invest on a plancha? Baking from scratch, what for? Really now Rollins? They were on their element last night. Amaro was at his sweetest, from the sweet nothings, his passionate kisses - everything. She must have rearranged the ingredients over by times by now. When doubting Rollins got it going yet again. Face it Rollins, Amaro is here because you are convenient - you are here. To entertain the thought that it will get serious is like hoping for a better Kim or your mom reconnecting. This is as good as it gets. Sure you can't be out before the squad, but how come he has not introduced you to his Mom? You were in Miami for days but you were only introduced to - a sandwich. Amaro did not bother to introduce you to any of his relatives. Get real Rollins, no more playing house.

**All that because he failed to indulge you a little and notice how you were determined to prepare something nice for him? Why did Amaro leave in haste?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Apologies for the formatting issues. I must say that writing this fanfic made me really hungry. Sure the deleted scene is only known to a handful of SVU diehards and the Rollaro fans. The fact that it was share in the form of a "webisode" is still much appreciated. Glad to note that they are expanded their after office repertoire and stops. From his (?) and her place, the infamous bar where they had a big fight to a club with legit musicians. Timeline wise, this is way past S16. I will soon edit Chapter 2 of Spring Break and will start working on Chapter 3 this week. Still on deck fic requests - I hope to start working on them after Season Finale. Thank you for the messages and again apologies formatting issues. **

Nick wanted to go back inside as soon as they made the first step out. There was no lead to chase and no UC work on a Sunday morning. He had to do this though. Amanda as a lover spoiled Nick without her admitting it to herself much more to him - in many levels. Never big on dying declarations of love, she made up for it through gestures. From small acts of love like assisting him as she put on his coat; keeping track of Marc Ribot's scheduled gigs for him; to reckless law enforcement intervention helping him save his badge. Not that Nick was big on that front either. In fact, he was just as guarded in terms of expressing his love for her and less demonstrative. Waking up to the heavenly scent of newly baked _pan de agua_ with the music of Marc Ribot jamming with Los Cubanos Postizos to boot - Nick had to do something. He had to risk it hoping that he could make up for it thereafter.

Disappointed with Nick for the hasty exit and with herself on her rather emotional reaction, she attempted to stop "doubting Rollins" from taking over. In order to do that she turned her attention to her project pan cubano. Amanda inspected it closely. The freshly baked demi - baguette looked like what it should be, not a bun not a baguette - a class of its own. The test of the pudding however is in the eating. To her the litmus test to a real pan cubano is Amaro's seal (and kisses) of approval. Amanda sighed. Inspecting her work product helped her from missing Nick in the kitchen or their bed right now. She had to get moving, she rearranged the ingredients of the filling again. It was the only way to stop herself from turning overly sentimental after the sudden "abandonment." She noted and admired how she managed to get the pan's texture right. For a casual baker, she can be really harsh on her baking skills and her finished product. She also figured out a way to recreate the "split" in the absence of palmetto leaves - if only Nick bothered to stop by to check it out.

"What's the point Rollins, so what if you got the crust right? He's not here!" Negative thoughts buzzed in and out of her stream of was no stopping her bad cop side from such tormented thoughts.

She grabbed a serrated knife with force and sliced a pan for herself. This time focusing on this non-cerebral task, resolved to keep negative vibes out of her system and good food in her tummy. She spread a generous amount of yellow mustard and butter on both sides. Not a dijon kind as her man used to say. His preferred yellow mustard, brand included has become a staple in her unwritten grocery list. Then again, a lot of things Nick liked has long made it to her bills and shopping baskets. He ever asked nor instructed her to by, to her it came naturally it just made sense. She shifted from buying US brand beers to cervezas. The coffee beans, which she noted when he grabbed a bag one time for his mother Cezaria. Then of course the energy giving, Explosivo, handy both at work and in bed (or home in general). The list goes on.

She turned the plancha on using her left hand. Then started stuffing the bread. Pickles first, then the ham and pulled pork. All of which store bought. They recently discovered a fine cuban deli while taking Frannie for a walk. It easily became Nick's favorite because he found the products authentic enough. She slipped four slices of swiss cheese, again sourced from the same deli. It was ready for grilling and pressing. She checked one last time if the _jamon dulce_ and the pork which Nick calls _lechon_, were in place.

She tested if the plancha was hot enough but not too hot by spreading a little amount of butter on the griddle. It was ready. She was getting hungrier yet her thoughts were not getting any lighter. Doubting Rollins lurked much to her annoyance. The two to three minutes of waiting time to grill the sandwich, will also unwittingly turn out to be a Rollins grills Amanda time inside her head no. Nick bolting out managed to trigger her conflicted sappy emo-self.

"The little things are fine with him, explosivo, coffee beans, mustasa but the plancha clearly scared the hell out of Amaro" she chastised herself. "Buying _la_ _plancha_ is equivalent to asking him to change his facebook status to in a relationship with Rollins," she continued.

"I can't call Fin to check on him" she uttered to herself. They both agreed that they can better manage their not so secret relationship by keeping work away from their home life.

"It's an important lead and I would have done the same for casework," she said, trying to justify her lover's odd behavior.

She stooped to check the cubano in progress. It was looking good and hopefully her sulking self shifts to a more upbeat mood after her first bite.

"First bite," she muttered again to her lonesome baking self. "You will be eating breakfast alone and utterly alone Rollins. Even Frannie Mae is literally at his side now nice," she said.

Sure he has reassured her that he will always be around for her. Nick has also adequately demonstrated his protectiveness even to a point of being aggressive to others for Rollins. But their secret relationship despite the progressively growing shared intimacies manages to cleverly skirt around _**"I love you"**_. Sure they have occasionally said it or more like screamed it. But declarations in bed are technically inadmissible in court. On such rare occasions, I love you come to pass at the height of passion. Never to be discussed the morning after much more over work or in between.

**Nick slipped first.** It was at the time when he was woefully adjusting to the reality that Gil and Zara both live a thousand miles away from him. He was grappling with the difficulties of being a non-custodial parent to two kids and two baby mommas. She became his refuge - the one thing constant outside work worth staying for in Nueva York. The declaration or more like a slip happened , while she was obediently and lovingly catering to his needs - gloriously naked in his bed. As he moved using his signature circular thrusts that made her deliriously crazy, he said, "I love you Amanda, please don't leave me."

She heard him right, sure she was just as aroused and sensitive as he was all over but definitely not deaf. Her hear skipped a beat. She responded to his plea and said, "I won't Nick…" She was about to say I love you back when he felt her clench around him as he moved inside her. Nick lost control and surrendered as he released inside her.

"Amanda…" His command and call were both primal and urgent.

"Nick…" She gasped lightly as she climaxed after him.

Coming together their bodies both shaking hard, she lost the guts to say I love you back. She pretended not to notice that he was teary eyed. She knew he mourning the lost of a stable yet modern family life that he tried to keep together. He kissed her slowly and deeply, as he reluctantly pulled out of her. She kissed back, deeper, hungrier. She loved having him inside her and if only it were physiologically possible to stay that way. The kiss, she hoped was also her way of saying I love you back.

"I love you Nick, very much…" She declared well within his hearing distance but he did not hear her say it. Amaro by then however was already in deep slumber when she finally had to courage to spit it out.

_Great company, great sex but no Iloveyous_ \- that pretty much summed up their relationship. She reminded herself that SVU and romance do not go together. Emotionally grounded and in part defeated she grabbed her Cubano, transferred it to a small plate and moved to the couch. She slumped to the same couch where she and Nick liked to watch TV and then get busy. They have been meaning to get a new one, a fancier one. They never got around it. Thinking aloud, she said, "this couch and how much Nick locates me are pretty much the same. Reliable and well worn, nothing special."

She focused her attention to her unappreciated masterpiece. "Enough of the pity party Rollins" she declared, "just eat!" Despite things not going as she planned the smell of Cubano brought her attention back to her senses. She sniffed and enjoyed the aroma. She was about to take the first bite when someone sneaked in and bit into her sandwich.

"Nick!? Watda!" She screamed unamused.

His mouth was full after taking a first big bite of the Cubano. He flashed his signature you cannot say no to me boyish grin.

Still not amused and overwhelmed with her pre-pity party emotions, she sniffed and turned away from him, "this is my Cubano."

"Am I not your Amaro?" He smirked, but his attempt to sound cute fell on deaf ears.

"Are you not wondering why I am back so soon?" He cooed as he inched his way to sit next to her. She moved a bit to make room for him, but she refused to face him. Amanda focused on the sandwich. He moved closer and he wrapped his arms around her. She did not move away, she did not lean against him either.

"Frannie and I got something for you mi vida," he whispered. Right on cue, Frannie walked in with a shallow basketful of long stemmed roses. She carried it by biting into the basket handle stood next to Nick. She refused to look at Frannie nor turn to Nick's way. She saw the basket and the roses peripherally. Nick sensed that he would have to pay for the surprise exit dearly and the roses - his reason for the hasty exit might not be enough to make up for the stunt that he pulled off. This gesture officially confirms what he had known all along. Surprises, roses - romance in general are clearly not his strong suit.

"My senses woke up next to you with café con leche to boot, sugar and spice and everything nice, it felt like Christmas morning." He explained, as he smothered her cheek and ear with soft kisses. He did not elicit any reaction, he opted to proceed with caution. "I bolted out with a lousy excuse. You know that I am not good at expressing my emotions. I thought getting you flowers was a good idea. I did not know how to thank you even more say words that I know you know."

"I don't" she muttered.

Frannie Mae by then has gotten tired of biting the basket, she moved and placed the same on Amanda's lap. The bouquet came with a mushy looking red and gold card with "I love You" in it. Frannie's special delivery broke the tension. A smile began to form.

"Know that I love you Amanda and I appreciate all the things that you have done for me. And I am sorry if I don't say it often enough." Declared Nick in between soft kisses to her cheeks, hand and fatty fingers.

She smirked, "you scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry, baby let me make it up to you," he said.

"You better and you have a lot of making up to do," declared Amanda.

"I love you..." He said with gentle force as if waiting for her reply.

"You too" she mumbled, refusing to look into his eyes as he tried to turn her face towards him.

"Louder please, I think you missed a pronoun and a big word _mi vida,_" Nick was determined to coax her out of it.

"I baked, consider that my love language of the day," she replied.

"I love you more," Nick declared with greater confidence this time. He was beginning to get the hang of it and he must admit that it was a nice thing to say.

"Love you too," she said hastily in effect eating the rest of the statement like a sandwich. She turned to him, punched him lightly and lovingly then leaned against his shoulder. He leaned over and kissed her lips lightly.

"Fine," she said, "but you will clean up and wash the baking pans and dishes."

"Your wish is my command," he replied and he deepened the kiss. The Cubano will have to wait.


End file.
